Here’s my stream of conscious-ness take on tonight’s finale of The Walking Dead. Typos and spoilers almost sure to be present. Enter only if ye dare.
1. Awww, it’s that walk Carl talked about in his letter last week.
2. Could change out of your work clothes though, Rick.
3. And that’s all you remember?
4. Dude, never look at yourself in a mirror! It might mean you’re in the midst of self-reflection!
5. This music is obviously trying to generate some feeling of hopefulness. Can’t say that it’s working for me.
6. I forgot about Carl wanting to honour the new doc’s mother. Damn, even when dead, Carl’s a better character than Rick.
7. Say thank you, Rick.
8. Oh good, he did.
9. So in my pre-cap (which, shit, I didn’t call it, but I totally should have) I speculated that Dwight might die. I’m also putting money on Gabriel as of right now. He’s so done. He’ll sacrifice himself to stop the Saviours.
10. And maybe Jerry. I hope it’s not Jerry, but maybe.
11. This music needs to stop. Right now.
12. Oh good, we’ve got Crazy Morgan music. That’s a mild improvement.
13. Right now, while I’m willing to give Fear The Walking Dead another try, I have to admit that Morgan is the least interesting part of that prospect for me.
14. “We are worse than we were.” Oh hell yeah. You’re not wrong there, Morgan.
15. Morgan’s the crazy one, but what he’s saying? Makes a lot more sense than Rick.
16. I had the impression that Gabriel had basically gone blind. Doesn’t seem to be so.
17. Well, Dwight’s still kicking, at least.
18. I mean, it probably won’t be for long, but it’s good for him in the short term.
19. There was some speculation that Eugene might have switched sides, and fucked up the bullets he was making. There’s certainly some room for that possibility, but I don’t buy it.
20. I am so fucking bored of crazy Morgan.
21. “It was a trap.” Wait, does that mean Rick figured it out? Or he thinks that the first note was a trap? Or, what? I’m so confused.
22. WTF, Gabriel.
23. Like, Gabe really does need to realize that there is no obvious black and white, good and bad, in this situation. So quit acting like Rick is the “good guy” because holy shit. Maybe you don’t know everything he’s done, but you know enough.
24. Also, Jesus, SHUT UP.
25. There’s a herd coming too? That’ll be fun.
26. Oooh, I wonder if that herd will end up introducing us to The Whisperers from the comic.
27. Okay, so Negan’s trap is sprung. What happens now?
28. Oh shit, Eugene did turn. The bullets aren’t gonna work.
29. Well, that came out of nowhere and was pretty much a betrayal of what that character had become. But hey, what a twist!
30. Quick writing tip! It’s easier to come up with a twist for your story if you have a character suddenly behave unlike themselves.
31. Oh, the lady army showed up. They were finally won over by Aaron’s almost-dead speech.
32. Oh, hey, look, it’s the stained glass window from the first episode of this half season. Guess we know what’s going to happen. Rick is going to end up sitting around here with blood on his hands. Which is probably supposed to make us think that he’s going to kill Negan. Which means he probably won’t.
33. Guess I was wrong. Bye Negan.
34. Congratulations, The Walking Dead, for continuing your fantastic string of bad decisions.
35. OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE SHOW. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You don’t get to be like, “Look, Rick killed him! TENSION! DRAMA! But wait, NO HE DIDN’T!”
36. “His way of doing things is over, and if you don’t do things the way I say you should, I’ll kill you.” Rick, not at all sounding like Negan.
37. Fuck you, Eugene.
38. Hey look, now Morgan is magically cured of craziness because, uh, he needs to be, apparently.
39. And no one stayed behind to see if Rick was okay. They just left him to weep under a tree.
40. Saviour pretty boy is totally gonna be banging Maggie within two seasons.
41. Darryl’s not gonna kill Dwight. But if not, why are they out there? Just for dramatic effect?
42. Okay, so he’s kicking him out. Because … I don’t know. He can only make it right somewhere else in the world?
43. Oh, hey, who does garbage lady have locked up now.
44. Oh, not locked up. It’s just Morgan passing through.
45. I guess Dwight’s girl is still alive out there somewhere.
46. Not much for writing, that girl.
47. Interesting that for a storyline that was called “All Out War” there weren’t very many casualties.
48. This is a very Godfather-esque zoom into Maggie here.
49. Ugh. So now we’re going to see different warring factions of good guys? I mean, not openly, I guess. But still.
50. Watching Rick trying to push some kind of moral authority is honestly nauseating.
51. “I forgot who I was.” Oh, well, as long as that’s all it was, I guess we can forgive you for being a terrible, awful, evil human being recently.
52. Well, The Walking Dead, that was a stinker of a couple of season. Hope you get your shit together next year. Or, I guess, later this year. Whenever.